6/5/11

Tonight we're gonna give it 35%

So I went to Maifest Chicago up in the confusingly named Lincoln Square.I didn’t know this, but I guess there used to be a lot of Germans in Lincoln Square (I don’t know where they all went, and furthermore, I don’t know what it means that they all left. Like there are some neighborhoods in Chicago that have been inhabited by the same people for generations, Chinatown and Avondale for example, but then there are some neighborhoods that were established by an immigrant population that has since gone the way of the dodo, Ukranian Village and Logan Square for example. Is your ethnic group doing better if it’s fragmented and disenfranchised or if it’s tightly bundled together in a concentrated area? I suppose the latter, but I don’t know. It’s a phenomenon that I acknowledge, but have yet to form an opinion on.). So eventhough there no longer are any Germans in that neighborhood, they still have an annual German festival that features all the German fare you associate with Germany, but frankly (no pun intended) sort of shitty versions of them. Germans are the inventors of, and arguably still the world’s best brewers of, beer, however all the Maifest had on tap was Hofbräuhaus and fucking P.B.R. The pretzels were even more of a disgrace. Stale, hard, dusty. They were to German food what Red Burrito is to Mexican food. I mean, I know it’s an outdoor festival, and everything needs to be portable, and voluminous enough to accommodate the masses, but you’re fucking Germans! (A) I know it’s a tall order, but aren’t you supposed to be masters of ingenuity and efficiency. You should have been able to come up with something as a matter of ethnic principle; and (B) You’re only good at like 4-things, so with beer and pretzels botched, that only leaves you with invading countries and killing Jews.

Speaking of Jews:It’s weird how much disdain for weird people I now have. Especially since I’m such a weirdo. But I think the difference between my weirdness and theirs is that I can’t help mine. I don’t want to be weird, it’s just that my brain has been so warped by decades of television and aggressive rock music that I don’t understand other people and am unable to comprehend, and therefore conform to, excepted standards of appropriate behavior.This chick is totally normal, but is trying to be weird. Since she can’t replicate a warped mind, she’s just warping her appearance. The scenster term for this is “poseur.” Whatever, these people exist. So be it. But she dropped a line that always makes me writhe, which is “don’t judge me.” Well, consider yourself judged.

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