Approximately 99.5% of the party guests were friends of Melissa and H.R. It felt a lot like when I was a kid and my parents would invite all their friends over for a party. Not only were they not my friends, but I couldn’t even relate to them.
I’m not sure if I’m bad at conversing with people in the Midwest, or if people in the Midwest are just bad at conversation. They never offer enough words into the discourse.
Good conversation should be like tennis. There’s a back-and-forth and each party has possession for about the same amount of time. I find that when I talk to people here, it’s more like shooting hoops by myself, where I’m me and they’re the basket. I’ll lob something against the backboard, the basket will have possession for a few seconds or milliseconds, and then the ball drops backs to me. I now have possession, but I don’t immediately shoot. I dribble around to the top of the key and then rush the basket for a layup amounting to about 20-seconds of possession for me. The basket then has possession for a second, and then I again have the ball.
I don’t want it to be like this. I’d rather play basketball with someone else. Everyone always accuses me of talking too much, but truth be told, I don’t really like talking that much. It’s just that if I don’t talk, nobody else will. I would much rather hang back and let somebody else make words with their mouth, but it doesn’t happen here. If I shut my mouth, there’s dead air. Essentially as if I was talking to the coffeemaker.
Maybe I’m just too timorous about the open spaces and people just need more time to put together a thought before they respond. Or maybe people in the Midwest just don’t talk that much. Or maybe the content isn’t something that interests them. Although, I think that’s unfair, because I’ll talk to anyone about anything. In fact, the less I know about a topic, the more interesting it is for me to talk about. If anyone reading this has actually talked to me, I’d be very interested to hear your opinion on what I’m doing wrong.
On one hand, I think it’s vibes. I’m positive of the fact that I give off spaz vibes. I know I’m squirrely, and I generally talk about things that: (a) I truthfully don’t care about; and (b) I do not genuinely believe. Plus, I’m a weirdo, and say things that people perceive as strange and confusing. I’m not being honest and I think people pick up on that and they consciously or sub-consciously withdraw.
But on the other I think they’re just lazy. In the first episode of season 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm, “Mel’s Offer,” Larry gets permission from Cheryl to have one extramarital sexual encounter. Shortly thereafter, Larry clumsily makes an attempt to cash in his matrimonial get-out-of-jail-free card with an attractive woman while watching Mel Brooks sing at a karaoke bar. He starts off solid with something like, “Hey, karaoke’s pretty fun, right?” She responds with something insipid like, “it’s something to do.” Then Larry says, “well, for things to do at night, you’ve got going to the movies, bowling, and karaoke.” She says nothing. Larry then dovetails into an improvised stand-up bit about bowling. She almost instantaneously loses interest. But it’s sort of the woman’s fault because she had a window to speak up when Larry laid out four topics of discussion: movies, bowling, karaoke, and things to do at night.” I personally, never let an opportunity to talk about something go un-taken-advantage-of.
Sure enough. The following morning, I woke up to find the pad flogged.
I remember the keg being tapped before I went to bed, but I guess that didn’t slow down our party guests’ ambitious party ways.
They surged ahead with wine.
And bottled beer (many of which used to belong to me).
I’ll admit I’m upset, but I won’t show it. That’s what future house parties are for.
