Anytime someone comes to visit me in my city of residency, I voluntarily bear the burden of showing them a good time. I want to give them a tour of the place that I live in a way that will be pleasurable, unique to that particular geographical location, and will weigh heavily on their future impressions of that place. I know this seems like common host sense, but I can’t tell you the number of times I go to some foreign city to hang out with a friend I know from a different geographical location, and upon showing up, they ask, “so what do you want to do?”My first year of law school, I dated this girl that I knew from high school. I somehow miraculously convinced her that I was someone she ought to want to date during a chance meeting in New York City 5-years after high school graduation and then sealed the deal during my 2007/2008 Winter Break. I made several trips out to Los Angeles where she resided and should have known the relationship was doomed when I was given the burden of finding couple-shit when I was greeted by her at the Burbank Airport.
Eventhough I moved to The Windy City 3-months ago, I spent the first 2-locked in a battle of wits with the Illinois Bar Exam that rendered me incapable of exploring and mapping my new domicile. So when Dustin and Julie showed up, I was at a bit of a disadvantage with showing them a side of Chicago that was pleasurable, unique to Chicago, and would weigh heavily of their future impressions of Chicago. But I was still determined to do so. I researched two alternative excursions that would showcase exclusive components of the Midwestern United States’ most populace city. The first option was to take the El-Train to the Loop and eat hotdogs while watching live opera in Grant Park, which abuts Lake Michigan. The second was to walk down Milwaukee Ave. to watch improve comedy in a bar cellar. Dustin and Julie chose the latter.
Chicago is an improv comedy town, but that doesn’t mean that every improv comedian is John Belushi, or Tina Fey. Truth be told, most of the comedians are horribly untalented hacks performing in a medium that proves challenging for even the most experienced pros.
That night’s performance in The Crocodile’s basement can best be summarized by this individual’s reaction to it.
The upside is that at The Crocodile, each drink purchase is accompanied by a personal pan pizza at no cost. So how ripped off can you feel about free pizza and free (although very bad) improv comedy?
Dustin and Julie live together with Sully in an apartment in Washington D.C. They told me what part, but I’m not familiar enough with our nation’s capital to have had it register.
A lot of guys, like Jimmie Shannon, would argue it’s a mistake for a 27-year old man living in a major cosmopolitan to cohabitate with a woman, but one advantage to living with a chick that goes unmentioned is perceived maturity. A guy living with his girlfriend is seemingly more of an adult than a guy living with a roommate, eventhough in both cases, it’s still just living with another person that you split the rent with.If you’re an unmarried dude, and you can’t afford your own place, but you want to appear to be a mature, developed social actor, you should turn down bunking up with your bros in favor of coupling with your sweetheart. It’s the same amount of money you’re spending on rent (possibly less), but people will consider you living with your significant other as a sign that you’re further along the dubious road to adulthood than your unspoken-for, underemployed, male counterpart. I’m not sure why, but living with someone you have regular consensual intercourse with makes all the difference.
I suppose it’s because living with someone you’re in a relationship shows: (a) you’re emotionally capable of making a long-term, serious commitment; and (b) it’s your love for the other person that’s causing you to share you’re living quarters and not your chintziness.
When I lived with Kristen in New York, it was the total opposite of adulthood. It was essentially like moving back home with an angrier, more authoritarian version of my parents. A total reversion from the independence of college. I had chores and obtuse responsibilities, had to call and check in, and got scolded for bad behavior. In defense of Kristen, I was in fact, totally immature, and not really emotionally willing to commit to being in a relationship. She wasn’t sharing an apartment with her live-in boyfriend, she was sharing an apartment with a man-child with a slight drinking problem.As soon as I moved out of our place in Queens and into a dilapidated boho bungalow in Brooklyn, I started to spin out of control. I did all sorts of terrible things to myself that Kristen kept a lid on while we were together. Just like my real life mother, Kristen’s mothering had kept me safe from myself. As soon as she was out of the picture, I went to self-indulgent pieces.
Knowing Dustin, he’s not the kind of guy to spin out of control. He’s actually kind of a dork. He enjoys exploring the far reaches of the internet in his free time, and the lion’s share of his favorite records were made in the 70’s. As far as I can tell, Dustin’s days of sowing oats are behind him now, and what’s left is a torpid boyfriendable husk that any girl in her mid-20’s would be ludicrous not to nail down. 
I really hope I showed him a good time.
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